spending your whole life with yourself
This letter is part of my ongoing series to my future babies - little love notes about being human that I hope they'll read someday. To read more letters to my kids, click here or check the "letters-to-my-kids" tag.
My beautiful ones,
Something occurred to me recently that changed how I think about everything:
I'm going to spend my whole life with myself.
Every single day, from when I wake up until I fall asleep, I'm with me. Every adventure, every quiet moment, every celebration, every hard day - I'm there with myself through all of it.
That means the relationship I have with myself is the most important relationship I'll ever have.
This connects to what I wrote about understanding your feelings and practicing daily awareness - learning to be friends with all the feelings and thoughts inside you.
What I mean by having a relationship with yourself:
Just like with friends, I can:
Be kind to myself or mean to myself
Encourage myself or criticize myself
Enjoy being alone or feel uncomfortable with myself
Know myself well or be a stranger to myself
Trust myself or doubt everything I think and feel
I'm learning to be a good friend to myself:
I talk to myself like I would talk to my best friend: Instead of: "I'm so stupid for making that mistake" I try: "Everyone makes mistakes. What can I learn from this?"
I notice good things about myself: "I was really kind when I helped that person today" "I worked hard even when it was difficult" "I wrote something beautiful this morning"
I comfort myself when I'm having a hard time: I put my hand on my heart and say: "This is hard right now, and that's okay" I wrap myself in a soft blanket I do something gentle for myself
I celebrate myself: When I do something I'm proud of, I take a moment to feel good about it I tell myself: "I'm proud of how I handled that" I do a little happy dance for my accomplishments
I'm getting to know myself by asking questions:
What makes me feel happiest?
What helps me when I'm sad?
What am I really good at?
What do I love to learn about?
What makes me feel peaceful?
What are my favorite ways to have fun?
What's most important to me?
The answers change as I grow, and that's perfect.
Why this matters so much:
When I'm a good friend to myself:
I never feel truly alone, because I always have myself
I make better choices because I trust my own judgment
I'm braver because I know I can handle whatever happens
I'm happier because I know how to take care of my own feelings
I have better relationships with others because I know what I need
For my older loves:
As you become teenagers and young adults, other people might try to tell you who you should be. But if you have a strong, loving relationship with yourself, you'll always know who you really are underneath all the outside opinions.
I'm building self-trust by:
When I say I'll do something, I do it (this shows me I can count on myself)
When I feel something strongly, I pay attention (my feelings give me important information)
When I have an idea or dream, I take it seriously (my dreams matter)
When I need something, I speak up for myself (I deserve to have my needs met)
Something beautiful I've noticed:
The better friend I am to myself, the better friend I can be to others. When I know how to comfort myself, I know how to comfort others. When I'm kind to myself, I'm naturally kinder to everyone around me.
What I hope:
I hope I learn to love spending time with myself. I hope I become someone I genuinely like and respect. I hope when I'm alone in my quiet space, I feel happy and peaceful instead of lonely.
I hope I discover that the most wonderful companion I could ever have is already with me - it's me.
But also:
Even when I'm my own best friend, I still need other people too. Having a good relationship with myself doesn't mean I don't need family and friends. It just means I choose those relationships from a place of wholeness instead of neediness.
a poem for you
Hasta el infinito y más allá,
Mom
