using your feelings to take care of yourself

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This letter is part of my ongoing series to my future babies - little love notes about being human that I hope they'll read someday. To read more letters to my kids, click here or check the "letters-to-my-kids" tag.

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My dear ones,

Now that you know all your feelings are welcome and what feelings actually are, I want to share something really important about feelings.

Feelings aren't just something that happens to me. They're actually my body giving me information about what I need right now.

When my chest feels tight: My body is saying "I need to feel safe." So I might ask my parents for a hug, wrap myself in my favorite blanket, or go sit in my quiet space.

When my stomach feels swirly: My body is saying "I need some comfort." So I might listen to soft music, hold something soft, or visit Mia (our little cat) and pet her gently.

When my hands want to make fists: My body is saying "Something isn't fair and I need to do something." So I use my words to say how I feel, or I do jumping jacks, or I ask my parents for help.

When my shoulders scrunch up by my ears: My body is saying "I have too much on my mind." So I take three slow breaths, or I ask someone to help me, or I take a break from whatever I'm doing.

When my chest feels open and warm: My body is saying "This feels good! Remember this!" So I stop for a moment and really notice how nice it feels. I might tell someone what made me happy.

Here's what I do now:

Before I do anything, I check in with my body. I ask: "What am I feeling right now?" Then I ask: "What do I need to feel better?"

Sometimes I need:

1. A hug or something soft

2. To be with someone safe

3. To move my body or dance

4. To be quiet and rest

5. Drink tea

6. To talk to someone

7. To write

Three times a day, I check in with myself:

In the morning: "How am I feeling? What do I need for today?"

In the evening: "How was my day? What does my body need right now?"

Before bed: "How am I feeling? What would help me sleep peacefully?"

When I feel something really good:

I put my hand on my heart, take a deep breath, and let that good feeling spread everywhere. I've noticed that when I do this, more good feelings come to visit me.

What I'm understanding:

1. My feelings are trying to help me

2. Taking care of myself isn't selfish

3. I don't have to feel better right away - sometimes feelings need time

4. Asking for help when I need it is brave

I'm learning to be my own friend, to listen to what my body tells me, and to give myself what I need.

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a poem for you

When sadness comes, let the tears fall. When worry comes, breathe nice and slow. When anger comes, use your words. When joy comes, let it glow. Your body knows just what to do, if you listen close and stay with you. The kindest thing you’ll ever learn is how to care for you.

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Hasta el infinito y más allá,

Mom