what is a feeling and how do you know you have one?
This letter is part of my ongoing series to my future babies - little love notes about being human that I hope they'll read someday. To read more letters to my kids, click here or check the "letters-to-my-kids" tag.
Hello my loves,
You know how I wrote that all your feelings are welcome? Well, maybe you're wondering: "But Mom, what exactly IS a feeling? How do I even know I'm having one?"
These are such good questions, and I want to help you understand.
A feeling is your body's way of talking to you.
Your body is always paying attention to what's happening around you and inside you. When something important happens, your body sends you a message. That message is a feeling.
Feelings happen in your body, not just your head.
When you have a feeling, you might notice:
Your chest feels different
Your stomach feels different
Your face feels different
Your hands feel different
Your whole body feels different
Let me show you what I mean:
When I feel happy:
My chest feels warm and open
My face wants to smile
My body feels light, like I could float
I might want to bounce or dance
When I feel sad:
My chest feels heavy
My eyes might feel watery
My body feels slow and tired
I might want to curl up or be held
When I feel angry:
My chest feels hot and tight
My hands might make fists
My face feels hot
My body feels full of energy, like I want to stomp
When I feel scared:
My stomach feels fluttery or tight
My heart beats fast
My body might feel frozen or shaky
I might want to hide or run
When I feel excited:
My stomach feels fluttery (but good fluttery)
My whole body feels bouncy
I can't sit still
I might talk really fast
How to know what feeling you're having:
Step 1: Notice your body Put your hand on your chest. Put your other hand on your stomach. How do they feel?
Tight or loose?
Heavy or light?
Hot or cool?
Fast heartbeat or slow?
Step 2: Notice what your body wants to do
Do you want to run or hide?
Do you want to dance or curl up?
Do you want to hug someone or be alone?
Do you want to laugh or cry?
Step 3: Think about what just happened
Did something good happen? (Maybe you're happy or excited)
Did something scary happen? (Maybe you're afraid)
Did something unfair happen? (Maybe you're angry)
Did something sad happen? (Maybe you're sad)
Easy feeling words to start with:
Happy - when good things happen
Sad - when something hurts your heart
Mad - when something isn't fair
Scared - when something feels dangerous
Excited - when something fun is coming
Worried - when you're thinking about bad things that might happen
Proud - when you did something well
Love - when someone is very special to you
What if you can't figure out what you're feeling?
That's okay! Sometimes I can't figure it out either. You can say:
"I feel something, but I don't know what"
"My body feels weird"
"Something is happening inside me"
"I feel different"
Practice game:
Throughout the day, ask yourself:
"What is my body telling me right now?"
"How does my chest feel?"
"How does my stomach feel?"
"What does my body want to do?"
The more you practice, the better you get at knowing what you're feeling.
Why this matters:
When you know what you're feeling, you can:
Take care of yourself better
Ask for what you need
Understand why your body is acting certain ways
Feel less confused about what's happening inside you
Remember:
Feelings happen in your body
All feelings are normal
It takes practice to learn feeling words
It's okay if you can't name a feeling right away
Your body is always trying to help you
a poem for you
Hasta el infinito y más allá,
Mom
