all your feelings are welcome here
This letter is part of my ongoing series to my future babies - little love notes about being human that I hope they'll read someday. To read more letters to my kids, click the "letters-to-my-kids" tag.
Hello my precious loves,
I'm writing to you on a quiet morning from my little space at home, and I want to tell you something really important.
All of your feelings are welcome with me. All of them.
Happy ones. Scared ones. Mad ones. Confused ones. Excited ones. Sad ones. Worried ones. Proud ones.
Every single feeling you have is okay with me.
I don't believe in "bad" feelings.
Sometimes grown-ups say things like:
"Don't be sad"
"You shouldn't feel angry"
"Big kids don't get scared"
"Stop being so sensitive"
But here's what I know: every feeling tells you something important about what's happening in your life.
Your feelings give you information.
Sadness tells you that something mattered to you
Anger tells you that something wasn't fair
Fear tells you to pay attention and be careful
Joy tells you what makes you happy
Love tells you what's important to you
Most feelings visit for a while, then leave.
They come, stay for some time, then new ones come. You don't have to make feelings go away fast. You can let them stay until they're ready to leave.
Some examples from my own life:
When I feel sad because I miss a friend who moved away, that sadness tells me "This friendship mattered to me." I can feel sad AND remember all the fun times we had. The sadness gets smaller over time, but the love for my friend stays.
When I feel angry because someone was mean to me, that anger tells me "That wasn't okay." I can feel angry AND use my words to say how I feel. The anger goes away, but I remember to be careful around people who aren't kind.
When I feel scared about something new, that fear tells me "Pay attention and be careful." I can feel scared AND still try new things. The fear gets smaller as I learn that I'm safe.
Good feelings are welcome too.
When I feel:
Happy - I let it bubble up and share it with people I love
Excited - I let my whole body feel bouncy and alive
Proud - I stand tall and celebrate what I did well
Love - I let it warm my whole chest
In our family, you never have to hide your feelings.
You can:
Cry when you're sad
Stomp when you're angry (but not hurt anyone)
Laugh when you're happy
Hide when you're scared (until you feel brave again)
Ask for hugs when you need comfort
Dance when you're excited
Sometimes you might have feelings about feelings:
Feeling angry that you're sad
Feeling scared that you're angry
Feeling worried that you're too happy
That's normal too. You can feel however you feel about your feelings.
What I promise you:
I will never tell you not to feel something
I will help you understand what your feelings mean
I will help you find safe ways to show your feelings
I will love you exactly the same no matter what you're feeling
Your feelings will never be too much for me
Here's something I know:
The people who love you most want to know how you really feel. We want to know when you're sad so we can comfort you. We want to know when you're angry so we can help make things fair. We want to know when you're happy so we can celebrate with you.
Your feelings make you human, and being human is beautiful.
a poem for you
I love every feeling you have, because they're all part of the amazing person you are.
Hasta el infinito y más allá,
Mom
